Rishire Writes

I just came from dinner with an old roommate. She graduated college last year and has since moved to Washington DC, a good whatever miles away from New York City where we went to school. She said that her time away from the city has made her realize just how much she truly loves the city. She’s only here for the weekend, but she desperately wants to stay. I, on the other hand, as a person who still lives and goes to school in the city, can’t say I feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the city–the public transportation, the tall buildings, the lack of nature–but sometimes the public transportation is completely off schedule (eg. today when it took me a solid hour to get home from dinner in midtown), the tall buildings aren’t really all that (except for the Chrysler and Empire State Buildings), and this snow is worse nature than the grass of my high school’s quad. Considering how I felt about the city before I moved here and how I feel about it now, I can’t help but think, can it be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

I don’t really  believe that saying when it comes to love and long distance relationships and stuff like that, but when it comes to home, whoever came up with the saying might be on to something. I was born in Manhattan a good twenty one years ago but moved away when I was two. My father was in the army, and my family moved from state to state from the time I was two to the time that I was eight. At eight we moved to South Carolina where we stayed for ten years. Growing up in the south wasn’t too bad. The views were beautiful, the people were pretty nice, and I had a lot of fun, but my heart was alway set on coming up north and living in the greatest city on Earth. Obviously as soon as I graduated high school I moved up here, and the rest is history.

I’m not trying to say that I don’t like my school. I get a good education and my major is pretty darn cool, but, to be honest, I hate school. I hated middle school; I hated high school; I hate college. I just don’t like trying. I don’t like studying; I don’t like taking tests; I don’t like attending lectures; I don’t like any of it (not even the green eggs and ham). Sometimes I enjoy what I’m learning, but having to regurgitate it from memory kills any positive feelings I may have had for it. All this negativity surrounding school has started to spill over into how I feel about the city. Just recently I returned to my apartment after a small break away, and all of the anxiety and stress that I felt while doing schoolwork came rushing back to me. It was as if I was on deadline even though I’m on winter break. I couldn’t help it. It was like muscle memory for my emotions, and it got me thinking, is this the way it’s going to be? Am I always going to associate the city with school and work? Has my choice to study here ruined my relationship with the city?

From what I gathered from what my friend said at dinner, I should move away for a while to remember how much I love the city. Living in another city will apparently make New York City seem a lot better, or maybe it’s just the fact that she’s graduated and no longer has to deal with that stress and anxiety. Who knows!