Rishire Writes

A few months ago I had some friends over to my apartment. We got into some weird, slightly inappropriate conversation as per usual, but something my friend, J, said really stuck in my head. In talking about his interactions with women, he asked, when do you know if you’re on a date? Great question, J! Me being old fashioned figured there was a simple answer–you know you’re on a date when it is clearly stated that it is a date. If one person asks another person out on a date then and only then is it considered a date, otherwise you’re just hanging out. Unbeknownst to me, the rules of interaction have changed. The word “date” has become an implied sentiment that can and cannot be applied to just about any given situation in which two people are doing things together. In light of this revelation, I have to ask the same question–when do you know you’re on a date?

This conversation happened over a month ago, so I don’t remember exactly what everyone had to say, but since then I have come up with my own ideas. It would be great if everything were transparent and people said what they meant, but alas the world is full of gray areas and implications. Those of us who are naive and oblivious to the intricacies of human speech may be left unawares when things that are meant go unsaid. Does that make sense? Let’s pretend I’m implementing this ever confusing dialect of inferred meaning.

The definition of “date” is

a social or romantic appointment of engagement.

That leaves a lot of room for interpretation and assumption. Even the words within the definition are subjective. What is considered romantic enough to be a date? In thinking of the importance of a person’s perception of the situation, I can’t help but liken dates to murders. As gory and random as that sounds, stay with me. With murder, it’s the motive that really classifies it. Granted I’m getting everything I know about this stuff from marathons of Law & Order SVU; I still think it’s all relevant and generally true. A person’s intent or motive for murder can change the charge from manslaughter to murder in the first degree or whatever classifications of the crime there are. An accidental murder would probably get a shorter sentence than a premeditated one. A homicide that is a result of self defense is practically not even murder in the eyes of the law as I see it on SVU. Again, I may not know what I’m talking about, but I sure as heck am going to continue talking about it! The point I’m trying to make is that dating, much like murder, is pretty much contingent upon intent and motive. In asking someone to “hang out” or “grab a coffee” or “catch a movie,” you can either be considering it a date from the get-go or just a friendly chill session. Without explicitly calling it a date, both parties could have either different or the same intentions. One person could think of this dinner as the stepping stone to their relationship, while the other could just be hungry and looking for a friend to grab a bite with. Both could be oblivious to the other’s intentions. It’s all so confusing, and now my head hurts. Can we all just agree to call dates dates and nothing else? Let’s all go back to the 50s when people were “going steady” and wearing poodle skirts. Who’s with me?!