Rishire Writes

As anyone who has been reading my blog these past few weeks knows, I quit my job at the beginning of the year. It was a decision that I did not make lightly based on factors that I believe are incredibly important. Unfortunately, the New York State Department of Labor would disagree. During my exit interview, the HR representative mentioned that I should be able to apply for unemployment and possibly receive benefits despite the fact that I quit my job instead of being fired or laid off. I was surprised by this information but also bolstered by the fact that I may not have to worry too much about money. It relieved some of the stress from quitting a moderately lucrative job without another job waiting in the wings.

It took me a while, but about a month after I quit my job, I finally completed by application for unemployment, somehow confident that I would get benefits because my reasons for quitting were meaningful, at least to me. Every week, I would certify for weekly unemployment benefits without having ever received any, a necessary step in order to be considered for the benefits. For weeks, I waited and waited, hoping and praying to start getting those checks in the mail, because work wasn’t coming like I thought it would when I quit my job.

Last month, I received a letter from the department of labor that said I would not be receiving benefits because I quit a perfectly good job for no discernible reason. A part of me understood and was honestly expecting that response given how long it had been since I had applied, but another part of me thought that if I could really argue my case, they would see what I did as necessary, the way I see it, so I filed a request for a hearing. I’ve always considered myself something of an amateur lawyer, so I was unduly confident.

When I finally got the chance to speak to someone at the DOL, I went through pains to try and express the mental anguish I experienced at my job, not at the hands of my employers, but due to the nature of the work itself and it’s negative impact on my mental health. I described how every morning was a slough. I would wake up filled with dread that the day had arrived. I would cry every day because something inside of my simply couldn’t handle the position I was in. It was all very extreme, but it was how I felt. I couldn’t help feeling that way, and it was crushing me. My life had turned into something I no longer wanted to live, and it was terrifying. I honestly felt like I had no choice but to quit, and that’s what I told the woman at the department of labor.

She asked standard questions, like did I talk to anyone at the company about how I was feeling, was there anything other than quitting my job that I could have done, did my job description change in a way that caused these emotions. I told her what I had told my manager when I quit – I knew that there wasn’t anything anyone could do to help me because the job was the job, so I felt like there was no point in letting my manager know how I was feeling. I confided in a few people at the company who could do no more than listen to me vent and offer words of encouragement. Because I was so new to the company, there was no way that I could have moved to a different department, which would have been the only solution. Quitting immediately really and truly felt like my only option. I honestly had no idea how much more of it I could take.

For me, this decision all came down to my mental health. I have been dealing with it for some time now, and I am at a point in my life where it has to come before other seemingly important things, like money and financial stability. Without a sound mind, what’s the point of anything else? Given the increased narrative surrounding mental health during the pandemic, I thought the department of labor would put more weight on it as a reason for quitting a job. I was wrong.

A few weeks after my call, I received another letter from the department of labor, letting me know that they were still rejecting my application for unemployment. They didn’t think that my deteriorating mental health was a good enough reason for me to quit, especially since my job was clearly defined prior to me accepting the position. As true as that may be, this was my first time doing this kind of work, so I had no idea how I would respond to it. I had no idea that it wasn’t for me. I had no idea that my soul would reject it so thoroughly.

I have to say that I completely understand that quitting my job came with the risk of not getting any unemployment benefits. I had never even considered it until my exit interview, so I’m honestly not that upset about it. I also understand that there are people out there who have been unceremoniously ejected from their jobs or laid off for reasons that may run the gamut. I’m not a fan of comparing sob stories, though, so that’s all beside the point. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wish the choices we make for ourselves and our mental health were taken as seriously and considered as important as the unfortunate things that happen to us.

I wish the fact that I quit my job because it was breaking me qualified me for government assistance the same as if I had simply been fired would have. I can’t say that if I had been fired for underperforming that I would have received unemployment benefits. I still truly have no idea how it works, but it sure would be nice if there was financial help out there for those of us who struggle sometimes in our own minds, those of us who can’t help or contain our feelings for whatever reason, those of us who don’t always know what we’re getting into and find that we have to get out of it or risk losing ourselves. Feel free to take some notes, DOL.