Rishire Writes

I would consider myself a professionally certified daydreamer. Daydreaming is how I pass the time, how I keep my imagination sharp for storytelling, and how I set goals. As far as I’m concerned, daydreaming is synonymous with manifesting, and I refuse to listen to arguments to the contrary.

I like my daydreams like I like my movies, realistic and moderately achievable, unless we’re talking Marvel, obviously. I’m a big fan of a story that could happen if certain stars were to align and certain paths were taken. Give me something where point A gets me to point Z without skipping any of the letters, and I’m bingeing it.

Lately, I feel like I’ve been living some of my daydreams. I find myself having these out-of-body experiences, but in a good way. It’s like I’m the main character of a movie that I’m watching, and I’m not terribly mad at what I see. My days are filled, although some of the stuff I do is boring, but it’s giving workplace sitcom with a solid splash of mundanity.

As I walk home from the train and unlock my Brooklyn studio apartment, I can’t help but think (Carrie Bradshaw voice) that I’m really living that New York City life that I’ve daydreamed about. I own the sidewalks, walking with a purpose that demands a steady clip, and I’ve all but mastered public transportation. For all intents and purposes, I’ve made it, at least somewhat, and checking things off my goals list feels euphoric.

And yet….like Ariel famously said, I want more. Don’t get me wrong – I like my life. Notice I didn’t say love, because I don’t lie on my blog. There are definitely things that could be better – I could be making (a lot) more money, I could be dating, I could be less tired – but things are pretty good all things considered. Sure, I work a lot and am hardly ever home, but my days are so full, and being busy keeps me from spiraling about not having anything else to fill the time.

Even as my career is moving in a good direction, I’m starting to build instead of constantly starting over like I’ve been doing since graduating, I find myself unreasonably unsatisfied. As one thing gets checked off the list, I add ten more. I’m too ambitious for my own good, and it’s breeding discontent.

To be clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with ambition. Without it, we as a society would get no where. If people simply rested on their laurels and accepted their station in life as being good enough, we more than likely would never have made it to the moon, and Beyonce would still be leading Destiny’s Child. As many bangers as they released, you know we would’ve missed out on massive cultural moments without her solo career.

There has to be a moment when enough truly is enough. I know I haven’t reached that yet, but I need to settle where I am before I start making plans to move ahead. You have to walk before you crawl and all that jazz.