Rishire Writes

Ever since I was a kid, I wondered what made a best friend. Other than my twin sister, I didn’t have any real life examples, so I turned to the tried and true method of letting TV be my guide. Through viewings of As Told By Ginger and Sex and the City (when I was older), I saw depictions of strong, female friendships that hinged on loyalty, accountability, and trustworthiness. I saw examples of women coming through for one another in big and small ways, whether it be through weekly lunches or showing up at each other’s doorstep right before midnight on New Years Eve just so they won’t be alone.

I have been enthralled by these portrayals of friendship, but more than that, I have been deeply saddened by a lack of those types of friendships in my life. Where is the Miranda to my Carrie (I’m such a Carrie)? Where is the Dodie to my Ginger (IYKYK)? Where is the Blair to my Serena?!

This general dissatisfaction in the relationships I have built has led me to question the veracity of these TV friendships. Is that really what friendship is supposed to look like? Should those really be my expectations of the people I try to hold near and dear? The definition of friendship that I have created from these examples is constantly put into question as people seem to fall short and I’m left feeling alone. Is it unreasonable to expect someone to be there for me when I need them? Are weekly or even monthly catch ups or hang sessions too much to ask? Am I only supposed to share my life with a romantic partner and not my platonic friends? What is friendship all about?

Being the anthropologist that I am, I have sought answers to these questions through interviewing my friends, and the consensus seems to be that there is no such thing as a best friend. People have a number of friend groups that tend to their various social needs, and these groups hardly ever intersect. There’s a sense of compartmentalization that lowkey breaks my heart but not more than trying and failing to recreate the relationships I’ve only ever seen on TV.

I have a tendency to overthink the way I think, but this year, I think the move is to stop thinking and simply feel then do. As they say, life is what you make it. You’re also apparently what you eat. Go figure.